Bereavement Advice

Bereavement is a distressing experience that all of us encounter at some time in our lives, yet it is something that is little talked about in everyday life. This being the case we have very little opportunity to learn how to cope with such loss. Different people react to bereavement in different ways, some finding it hard to work through the grieving process at all. Grieving is a natural process that can take place after any kind of loss. When a loved one passes away this is a very overpowering emotion that has to run its course.

There are whole successions of different feelings that can take some time to go through and must not be hurried. Although people are individuals, the order in which they go through these feelings is very similar. For some hours or days following the death of someone who is close, most people feel totally stunned, a feeling of disbelief is common even if the death had been expected, say after a long period of illness, however this feeling of emotional numbness can actually be a help in dealing with various practical arrangements that have to be made.

However, this detachment from reality can become a problem if it goes on for too long. To overcome this it can help to see the person who has died but sometimes it is not until the actual funeral that the reality of what has happened finally sinks in. After the feeling of numbness has gone it is often replaced by a sense of agitation and a yearning for the person who has died. This can affect the bereaved in their everyday life, it may be difficult to relax, concentrate or even sleep properly. Some people experience extremely disturbing dreams, others say that they actually see their loved one everywhere they go, or more commonly, in the places that they used to spend time together. It is also quite usual to feel angry at this time, towards doctors and medical staff for not preventing the death, towards people around them such as friends and relatives, or even to the person who has left them. Another common feeling is guilt.

It is likely that the bereaved will go over in their mind all the things they wished that they had said or done, in some cases they may even consider what they could have done to have prevented the death themselves. Of course death is usually beyond the control of anyone and they must be reminded of this. Guilt is often experienced if a sense of relief is felt, particularly after a distressing illness. This feeling is perfectly natural and is nothing to feel guilty about.

These strong confusing emotions are generally felt for about two weeks or so after the death and are generally followed by periods of sadness and depression. Grief can be sparked off many months after the death by things that bring back memories. It can be difficult for other people to understand and cope with someone who bursts into tears for no apparent reason. Some people who can’t deal with this tend to stay away at the time when they are needed most of all. It is best to return to a normal life as soon as possible, try to resume normal activities.

The phrase “Time is a great healer” is in most cases certainly true, however the pain of losing a loved one never entirely disappears, nor should it be expected to. For the bereaved partner there are constant reminders of their singleness. Seeing other couples and families can make it difficult to adjust to a new single lifestyle. The different stages of mourning tend to overlap and can show themselves in different ways. There is no “standard” way of grieving as we, being individuals have our own way of dealing with all of life’s trials not least the loss of someone we love.

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